An exciting new product from LEA & SANDEMAN

by Charles Lea
A truly exciting innovation that brings the wonderful world of Champagne to all wine drinkers, at any time, with much less cost.  The boffins at the small Champagne House of Phül in Ay have found a way to capture the carbon dioxide that normally escapes into the atmosphere during dégorgement and compress it into tablet form.  Lucie Lasticque, Chief Gazologiste at Champagne Phül, says, “We are so excited by this, at last everyone can enjoy our beautiful Champagne without, even, having to buy a bottle of it.”
This is genuine carbon dioxide from the Champagne region, all you do is pop two tablets into a glass of still wine and, hey presto, you have a glass of Champagne!  No need for extra fermentation, no long ageing in a deep and dark cellar, no riddling, and no need to pay £35+ a bottle!  It’s a miracle!  Obviously, for classic Champagne, you will need a dry white wine, but that shouldn’t stop you experimenting…”I tried it in a glass of sweet sherry, once,” says Lucie, “It wasn’t very nice.”
Not unexpectedly, this innovation has ruffled a few feathers in the region – estate owner Walter Phül said, “Most of my neighbours won’t talk to me now.  I’m not sure if it’s les comprimés or the new McDonald’s that we’ve opened at the chais, but I don’t care because I love a nice McGarlic Burger and fries in the morning.”  His wife, Avril, said, “Je ne comprends pas.”
Real Champagne, in a tablet – how can you say no?
Plink, plink fizz?