An exciting new product from LEA & SANDEMAN

by Charles Lea
A truly exciting innovation that brings the wonderful world of Champagne to all wine drinkers, at any time, with much less cost.聽 The boffins at the small Champagne House of Ph眉l in Ay have found a way to capture the carbon dioxide that normally escapes into the atmosphere during d茅gorgement and compress it into tablet form.聽 Lucie Lasticque, Chief Gazologiste at Champagne Ph眉l, says, 鈥淲e are so excited by this, at last everyone can enjoy our beautiful Champagne without, even, having to buy a bottle of it.鈥
This is genuine carbon dioxide from the Champagne region, all you do is pop two tablets into a glass of still wine and, hey presto, you have a glass of Champagne!聽 No need for extra fermentation, no long ageing in a deep and dark cellar, no riddling, and no need to pay 拢35+ a bottle!聽 It鈥檚 a miracle!聽 Obviously, for classic Champagne, you will need a dry white wine, but that shouldn鈥檛 stop you experimenting鈥︹滻 tried it in a glass of sweet sherry, once,鈥 says Lucie, 鈥淚t wasn鈥檛 very nice.鈥
Not unexpectedly, this innovation has ruffled a few feathers in the region 鈥 estate owner Walter Ph眉l said, 鈥淢ost of my neighbours won鈥檛 talk to me now.聽 I鈥檓 not sure if it鈥檚 les comprim茅s or the new McDonald鈥檚 that we鈥檝e opened at the chais, but I don鈥檛 care because I love a nice McGarlic Burger and fries in the morning.鈥澛 His wife, Avril, said, 鈥淛e ne comprends pas.鈥
Real Champagne, in a tablet 鈥 how can you say no?
Plink, plink fizz?